I was young when I received my very first present from my teacher; it was a token of appreciation for performing in front of a large gathering of Muslim sisters. I had a voice of an innocent child; sweet and pure. Alhamdulillah.
I placed my gift perfectly in the middle by clearing away everything from my shelf thus being the center of my attention. My gift was admired and observed many nights as I faded off to sleep wondering what it would be like when I‘m there, how will I react when I first see the Ka’ba, what will I wish for.
As years went by having faith amid life’s storm felt natural, I continued raising my hands in prayer asking for a chance to visit His House as that was the only place I wanted to be, even my dreams were blessed with such beauty and grandeur that it filled my heart with such happiness. I wanted this so badly that I begged for it to become a reality. Allah surely does listen, my invitation was accepted.
When the days came closer my feelings became stronger, I struggled to sleep in the midst of nights because I was extremely excited, overjoyed, all my life I have been waiting for this moment. I pictured nobody but myself standing in silence, in humility, like a slave in front of the Ka’ba. I pictured a sea of sweet tears rolling like never before. I pictured Noor shining on me and God speaking to me. I pictured a dream. My imagination was so strong that even I was choked by it. I prepared my outfit with great admiration. It is time. ‘Today I am going to my Lords House. Labbayk! He knows I’m coming, He can hear me!’ Lowering my gaze as I walked into the Masjid, I followed my brothers’ footsteps till I heard him say…
‘Bismillahi Allah hu Akbar.’ – In the name of Allah, Allah is the Greatest.
Gently, I lifted my head.
I was scared. My eyes dry, shaken with fear. My mouth wide open, I was speechless. My vision teeming – the beauty, the simplicity, it was perfection. I was staring at my hands, empty with nothing to offer. My well-rehearsed words all cluttered, scrambled up. I was stuck, like my soul just froze.
It wasn’t the same feeling that I imagined it to be, it wasn’t the same emotion that I built up all my life for when I will first see the Ka’ba. I was confused; it wasn’t what I dreamt of or what I pictured. As Muslims we have the ability to recognise that Allah alone is Lord of the Worlds, but as humans we have such limitations that our minds cannot comprehend His Might and Power and all His Attributes because it is so overwhelming. This is why it’s ‘He alone we worship, He alone we ask for help’, because it is He alone that’s worthy of worship and only He can help us when we are in need of absolutely anything.
It was only a few days later, from His Mercy, that my pathway was cleared and I was able to gently place both my hands and touch the Ka’ba. And that is when I spoke from my heart. Subhanallah
That moment has changed the way I now pray to Allah (swt)
That moment has changed my life forever.